"She doesn't care if other girls message you, but she does care if you try to hide it from her. 
She doesn't care if you hang out with your female friends, but she does care if you do it behind her back.
She doesn't care if you're out with your friends, but she does care if you're going to ignore her messages almost the entire time.
She doesn't care if you go out and party without her, but she does care if she finds out something happened with another girl and you didn't tell her about it.
She doesn't care if you don't wanna post up pictures with her online that much, but she does care if you don't let the world know that she does exist in your life.
She doesn't care if you don't have much to say to her, but she does care if you don't tell her the little things like "Good morning" or "Good night" or "I miss you" or "I love you".
She doesn't care if you need time and space away from her, but she does care if you're using that "time and space" as an excuse to claim that you're single and go do whatever you want.
She doesn't care if you guys argue and fight every now and then, but she does care if things aren't getting any better between you two because you're not learning anything from them.
Bro, she's willing to compromise with you on a lot of things, but all she asks is for you to not take advantage of that because if you do, you're not going to like the person she's gonna be towards you."

— Teddie Nguyen

so many things I wanna do
so many place I wanna visit
yet I'm stuck here doing nothing.

Dear Self

Dear Self,

                Do you really have to hurt yourself?

                Do you really have to torture your self?

                ….by excessively thinking of him?

                ….by looking at his picture?

                ….by longing for his touch?

Dear Self,

                Do you really have to hurt yourself?

                Do you really have to torture yourself?

                ….by dreaming [too much] of him?

                ….by imagining he’s walking with you?

                ….by ideating  that you are holding his hand ?

Dear Self,

                Do you really have to hurt yourself?

                Do you really have to torture yourself?

                ….by doing anything just to see him?

                ….by envisioning he is just everywhere though he’s actually not?

                ….by trying to chase him when you saw him from a far?

Dear Self,

                Do you really have to hurt yourself?

                Do you really have to torture yourself?

                ….just to ease the pain?

                ….just to forget him?

                ….just to finally accept that you two can never be together?

Dearest you,

                Do you really have to hurt me?

                Do you really have to torture me?

Dream High !

Some people my age have no idea where they want to go from high school. I on the other hand, have most of my future already planned out based off of goals, hopes, and dreams. Knowing what I want to do with my life relieves a lot of stress and worry. I have no idea where I’m going to go, but at least I know how I want to get there. I know my college goals, how I want my lifestyle to be and what I want to do with my free time.

First off my main goal is to go to a good college and go for degrees that won’t make me bang my head against a wall with frustration.I really want to come out of high school with a good grades.I would try to go to University with bachelors degree of Architecture or Fine Arts.I don’t know which I want to go for first, I’ll decide later. I’d choose those areas because art is something that I’ll always enjoy. It’s one of those things where it’s all about you and what you want done, its fun and you have something to show for after.It’s like writing in the ways of getting feelings down to remember but in a visual form.Hopefully I will have a successful job I like, and I can live a life I will enjoy.

Now, time to talk about my lifestyle. Being so busy with all this school and trying to pay for it will really affect my life. I will not have time for a family, not like I really want one anyway. That would just get in the way, and make a tight budget tighter. Even after I finish school I will be too occupied with work. I’m so set on success that even marriage (CHAR ! HAHA)sounds like it would be in the way. I just don’t have the responsibility to manage that. Looks like a bachelorette life for me! Another thing about my future life is I’m in high hopes I’ll have a good job. That will get me a decent home, money to spend on traveling, or other things I’d want to do to keep myself happy(CHAR AGAIN HAHA). I just don’t want to ever get too lonely.

Last thing about my future is what I’m going to do in my spare time. I really want to travel a lot. South Korea and Japan are the main place I want to go to, I’d love to live there for a few years just for the experience. I’m in love with their culture, the fun fashion, the acceptance of people who are different and of course, the language. Also they have really beautiful historic buildings with interesting stories. One last thing, I’d like to have an exciting social life, and fun people to share good times with.

So that’s what I want my life to be like all wrapped up, I want to reach my goals in college, live my dream lifestyle, and keep up with the hobbies and pastimes I have always loved. A spontaneous, yet laid back life is perfect for me. My future ,my dream <3

Be The Better You (より良いあなたも)

Taking this literally , it does begin with letter "I". However, a deeper meaning behind it- improvement begins with one's self. It is closely related to the statement ,"We should start the change we want to see". Before we can change or improve our environment, we must always start with the person standing in front of the mirror.

I started out by saying that change is a great part of growing up and we should all welcome it and blahblahblahblah..But as I thought about the recent changes I've gone through, I thought, let's face it- sometimes , change really sucks.

The truth is, sometimes it takes painful, uncomfortable, embarrassing changes for you to get to the next life stage. Sometimes, you have to say goodbye to something that isn't meant for you, to make room for something that is. Sometimes, you have to get hurt to accept that there are things you need to do because change won't happen on it's own. Sometimes, you have to lose something for you to realize you really wanted it and so you can do better and prepare more for the next time.

We have gone through a lot of changes: some truly awesome, some hard but necessary, some small but important, some that seemed big at the moment but that really didn't make a difference after all.But all these things brought us to this moment, we are happy to be where we are.

Sometimes, a choice will cause tough changes- and the grown up thing to do is just to stick by that choice and accept the change, knowing that, if you made that choice out of love,then it was the right one for you at that moment.

START OF SOMETHING NEW (何か新しいことの始まり)

        When the New Year comes around it seems like the perfect time for self improvement . Even though I’ve always failed my New Year’s resolutions, every year I promise myself that this time will be different. I’ve tried everything like being a bookish person (as if), starting my homework or project earlier, giving up internet sites (like Facebook, Wattpad, Animecrazy, Mangareader, etc.). I’ve tried given up everything just to focus in my studies, and not other stuff like that. But why do I even bother? I don’t feel that bad when I break my resolutions but sometimes I wish I could do better.

        Determined to be a better student. I promised to do my homework before Sunday night. I also tried doing my homework during lunch the day it was assigned or as soon as I got home on Fridays. But I realized doing my homework at lunch wasn’t a great idea because I always got distracted by all the fun I thought I was missing. I ended up with my book open but talking to my friends. Then I always watched anime on Friday nights and not doing my homework. After that I’m getting up late on Saturday morning. I tried to read my notes, but I ended up reaching the same line over and over. I was bored and felt like I had something better to do. In my homework after I answered one question, I would check my phone and send a text message (You know? Group MESSage) this made homework take much longer and I eventually got bored and stopped. Oh life it sucks  -.- >.<

        I always passed my requirements in school late. Why do I always enjoy doing my projects in rush hour?  Or even passing it a day after the deadline.  All I can say is “Sorry I love to sleep, eat and watch Anime”.

        Encouraging yourself to study is really had. Especially when you are not in the mood , you like to do whatever you want, lazy and also hardheaded person. Although I’ve failed every resolution,  I decided to try and try and try again by doing or making things better. No pain, no gain. Life without problems is boring. Let’s start something new. I think by this time I’m doing well but I’m not sure how long it will last.

One Step Closer (1歩近づく)

        The third quarter for this school year has ended, yet entering again the last grading period in my life as a high school student. Graduation is inevitably coming, but before we foresee, let us flashback ourselves what had happened this grading period. This grading period went so fast. As usual, there are some ups and downs, rough days. Some happenings and occasion that disturbed the normal school-days but fun though.
         For me, I didn’t bother anymore about getting higher grades. As time went by, I realized that making every day worth is more important than academic value. It’s not that I didn’t do my best but enjoying this last days are more important.

        I tried to correct some mistakes in the past grading periods and it worked this time. All positive outlooks and attitudes about studying is what I did. Even though there are so many things that needs my attention, perseverance and patience is the solution. As I do these school-related things, I also enjoy doing these things, and I will treasure them. It is difficult sometimes but these make your life as a student memorable. What matters most is you learn while you have the hardships on your back. Like in making our project using Microsoft FrontPage, I know these learning will help me in the future. All the lessons like HTML tags, files and making a web page. These made my mind started to like the course in collage of IT or Computer Engineering. For now, I have no problem that I encountered this grading period except for understanding the hard lessons. To solve this problem, I just go with the flow and understood each lesson.

        Three down, one to go before the real challenge of life- Collage. Enjoy every moment left while it lasts. Moving on, this grading period is just one small step for the big future ahead.